As I strolled out of my shoebox sized apartment on the Upper East Side, I wondered idly if perhaps fuchsia may not have been the proper choice for my job interview. I hadn’t really thought twice about it until I glimpsed my reflection in the bakery window and realized that I was pink from head to toe. But it was too late to change now, and I didn’t really want to anyway. I shrugged at my reflection and headed towards the Q train.
As soon as I walked into the office, I immediately knew I had made the right choice. The blogger was dressed in blue jeans and a t-shirt with her hair elegantly tied back. She had a warm smile and her husband had a friendly voice. I liked them instantly. When they asked about my future career goals in a genuinely curious manner, I ignored the business professor’s voice in my head telling me to spin my answer to fit the position. Instead, I gave them the raw, honest answer. “I want to be a travel writer, and eventually work as a freelancer,” I said. A risky move considering that this position was not for travel writing nor was it freelance.
It was the first time I didn’t have to lie about myself during an interview. I walked out into the warm October morning feeling calm and excited. I knew I had gotten the job. And best of all, I knew that the me that had gotten the job was the real me, not an edited version.
Many of us struggle to give ourselves permission to be authentic and free. We think that if we’re completely open about who we are, what we like, and how we want to live, we’ll get rejected in a big way. We imagine ourselves being banished from the family, the talk of the town, the person people cross the street to avoid, should we dare to do things our way. But guess what? It’s totally okay to want whatever you want. It’s healthy to have your own opinions and desires, even if it means heading down a path that may not be understood by other people. Whether you’re struggling to open yourself up in a social context, to let yourself be seen, or to give in to decisions that are incomprehensible within your inner circle, here are five damn good reasons why authenticity truly is your saving grace.
The Right People Will Like You
Remember this: be yourself and the right people will like you. Ever since I listened to a podcast on this subject, I found this phrase to be a huge help when I’m stressin’ and obsessin’ over winning other’s approval. I’ve always had a huge desire for everyone to like me and I would let it get in the way of my own happiness. I used to respond to others in a way that I hoped would please them instead of expressing my honest thoughts. I would even make decisions in a way that I hoped would win me the approval of the majority instead of doing what actually appealed to me. I still feel the urge to act in a way that will win me approval quite often, but I’ve realized that doing so drains my energy. The truth is, trying to tailor your personality to please those around you is a total waste of time. Why? Because they won’t like the real you. They’ll like a version of you that you’ve manufactured. And you on the other hand will feel exhausted from the effort. You don’t need everyone to like you. The right people will naturally be drawn to you when you’re being your authentic self. That means better relationships all around. Boo-yah.
You’ll Attract Opportunities That Make You Happier
I got the coolest job ever – one where I could wear what I wanted and listen to gangster rap while swinging in a floating chair and writing on my laptop – simply by being myself. If you have to put on airs or exert a lot of effort in order to make something happen, maybe it’s simply not for you. I’m not saying that every opportunity should fall in your lap and you should kiss your days of hard work goodbye. What I am saying is that being honest with yourself about who you are, will make it about a bajillion times easier for you to align with situations that are right for you. Life should have its share of challenges but that’s much different than trying to fit into a mould that isn’t cut out for you. Just think of what would have happened if Cinderella’s wicked step sister would have fooled Prince Homeboy by sticking her foot into that shoe. Sure, she’d be rolling in royal dough, but she would have some mean bunions and probably wouldn’t be able to walk. Does that sound like freedom to you? I don’t think so.
The Worst Result Is A Feeling
This is another lesson I learned that has helped me greatly. Often we’re so afraid to take risks, pursue our passions, or be honest with our friends, family, or partners, because we’re afraid of failing or being rejected. Here’s the bad news: typically what you’re most afraid to do or say is precisely what will set you free. Here’s the good news: the worst thing that can really happen is that you will feel bad. That’s all. You might feel embarrassed, unworthy, or experience another negative emotion. But I mean, you’ll be ok. I think it’s actually very healthy to practice rejection and failure over and over again. You come to realize that although it’s uncomfortable, it’s not fatal. You can survive it. And you start to develop resilience and strength by repeatedly practicing vulnerability which eventually makes you invincible.
Anxiety Decreases When You’re Yourself
Before I moved from New York to Florence, I encountered a lot of resistance from my family and friends, which caused me to feel intense guilt and major stress. I slept fitfully, got a hacking cough that lasted for months, and my tongue broke out with a painful stress-induced rash. Ew. I mean come on man, who gets a rash on their tongue?! As soon as I got to Florence, following through with my desire to do what I really wanted, I felt free. Weightless. Liberated. I was walking down the cobblestone streets on my way to class laughing to myself about how good my life felt. I was always smiling. I took walks in the rain. I looked like a crazy person, but I just remember feeling like me. I had finally made a definite decision that nobody could understand except for me, but the only person I needed to understand was, in fact, moi. Once I was finally there, living out my decision, it felt obvious to me that I had been right to trust my gut. My skin cleared up. I lost weight. I made friends, and started having fun on Mondays and Tuesdays and Wednesdays instead of simply living for the weekend. Following through with your desires, no matter how big and scary they might seem or how many people think you’re a basket case, is actually an antidote to anxiety. You feel better when you follow your intuition and trust your own opinion. Do your thing. It’s good for your health.
Authenticity Empowers Others
Last but not least, being your glorious, weird, wacky, unique self gives other people the courage to do the same. Every time I heard about someone who broke free of corporate life and started her own company or hopped on a plane with one bag and no return ticket, my instinct was to shout “oh hell yeah”. I love ballsy people who break free of societal norms. Probably because I consider myself a ballsy person on a quest to break free of societal norms. There are people who are interested in everything. You’ll find your community, or maybe even create one, by being vulnerable and pursuing your true ambitions.
I know what it’s like to be at war with yourself. To have an ongoing internal dialogue that pulls you in two directions. Take it from someone who pissed off her whole family and confused her friends by moving overseas to a country with a lackluster economy – risking exposure and rejection in favor of being authentic is totally worth it. Tim Ferriss said it best in his book The Four-Hour Work Week…it’s better to ask forgiveness than to ask for permission. At least it means you’re the one driving. So if you’re simply deciding whether or not to wear the fuchsia dress or making a bigger decision such as whether you’re going to take the job, start the blog, or marry the dude, take it from me: authenticity truly is your saving grace.
